Its tough being a PROFESSIONAL

by We didn't write this

the ups and downs of being a PRO
The thing I love most about the game is projecting rigs. The feeling of getting mad emotional, and all of the sudden, KAKAWW! And you fire the beast.

Unfortunately, its not always that simple. I’v been on that steady project grind with the pink problem on the left steep side of the boulder. I get to the end every time, but just can’t finish.

Obviously, I am like mad frustrated. I just dont know what to do.

In desperation, I went on the Boulder diet. For those of you not familiar with this tried and true approach, its quiet simple. Just consume equal parts Celery and Amphetamines until your strength to weight ratio is just right.

What a sham! It didn’t work at all. I lost all my money and teeth, and still no send.

I also tried spiritual motivation. Recently, a fellow professional got something tattooed on their forearm. It was like a motivational message, something to put you in the right state of mind when you are at the limit.

I immediately got
“Don’t trust those Madrocks, they gonna slip”
tattooed on my forearm.

I even made a hit song to make the tat more significant. It goes

“yo dawg, your feet is gonna slip.
Better chalk and tighten yo grip.”

Sure, the single was a hit. I mean, we got tens of views! But I was still without my send.

The block I was experiencing started to eat me alive. It was like Chris Sharma’s epic on First Round First Minute, except if Nalle ever came next to my route, I would straight up eat his children.

In the end, I had to let it go. Move on. After all, I’m a fucking professional. It was time for a cleansing of the mind; a tour of the unfamiliar.

And so I went. I did the blue problem, then the purple. Hell, I even did that Orange problem Rami couldn’t do. And that kid climbs with Jimmy Webb! I’m talking big time here.

But the whole time I was touring the Traversi Rock Club, that Pink problem was on my mind. My sponsors didn’t help, either. They would call me like “yo dawg, if your a professional, lets see you send that fucking pink problem. Whats up?”

The real despair, however, came from within. That pink problem is special. Its fucking classic. I mean, it makes that field of pebble choss called Woulverineland look like a sorority bake sale.

In the end, of course, I sent. How could I not? I’m a fucking PRO! I didn’t get any uncut footage, however. And now, some guy from Colorado who calls himself the Sherriff is calling me a fraud. Whatever. Lets see that guy say it to my face. I’ll sucker punch him right in the mouth.

To top it all off, the Professional Climbers International is dropping me from a professional membership to pro-am.

PRO FUCKING AM? Do you know what its like to walk into a Boulder Coffee house as a Pro Am member? The only more pathetic thing you can do is blog from a MacBook thats not a MacBook pro.

It sure is a tough life out there in the vertical ghetto. Its not all bad though. At the end of the day, I can still smell my own farts. And isn’t that what its really all about?