by We didn't write this

The therapist’s office was calm and soothing. On the couch: Joe Boulderer.

The doctors smooth voice probed inquisitively:  “So… how long have you been practicing for?”


Joe’s over sized triceps trembled with fear. A cold sweat broke.

“I don’t know… four, maybe 5 years?”

The doctor’s sighted with a concern and shifted in her chair. “And you never thought about applying the skills you practiced to bigger challenges? Bigger rock faces?”

“Sure, I have. I think about it all the time…” Joe replied, sobbing. “Can you please pass the tissues?”

“Then whats stopping you?”

“I guess I just don’t feel ready. I’ve been bouldering..”

The doctor cut him off sternly. “I told you not to use that word. By even saying bouldering you are legitimizing your activity. We call it ‘enabling.’ Use ‘practice climbing’ instead.


Joe sobbed, blew his nose loudly and dropped another tissue on the floor. The tissues started to make the office look like a TP covered European climbing area. Joe tried again.


“I guess I just don’t feel ready. I’ve been practicing for so many years now. Its like… I’ve practiced so much that its all I know”


“Have you ever tried applying your practice to Rock Climbing?”


“Sometimes, I think about it. Sometimes, I go to a climbing area thinking ‘today, I will go rock climbing.’ I even pack my bag and start hiking. Then, when I almost reach the wall, I see tiny boulders that have fallen off the cliff. I start thinking, ‘what if I fall off the wall, just like these boulders.’ Then, everything gets dizzy. I start thinking, maybe I haven’t practiced enough. Then, I just end up practicing on the damn small boulders all day.” Joe’s sobs turn into a full on hysteric cry. “I mean… I’ve never even had the courage to make it to the fucking cliff before…”


The therapist knew he needed to take immediate action. “Calm down, Joey… Calm down… I’m going to write you a script for 1 climbing rope, 12 quickdraws and a pair of testicles. All will be ok…”